How Giant Meteor of Death Can Become President

Giant Meteor of Death

Are you dreading the overwhelming probability that either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will become president?

Here’s a long-shot scenario to raise your spirits. Many of us are big supporters of the Giant Meteor of Death, a candidate who has promised to destroy ISIS, eliminate America’s national debt, and make a real “impact” on Washington, D.C. He is the change candidate we have all been waiting for — for millions of years!

Giant Meteor’s historic candidacy has hit a major road block, however. The Death campaign has struggled with ballot access, and Giant Meteor is currently relegated to being a write-in candidate in all 50 states. The odds of a write-in candidate winning a state, even a groundbreaking candidate like Giant Meteor, are pretty much zero.

So how can he — or she, Giant Meteor has not, as of this writing, outlined a policy on preferred pronouns — win the presidency?

First, neither Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton can get to 270 votes. Jon Schweppe wrote about two possible no-win scenarios last week. Here’s another possibility. What if Trump wins Maine, which recent polling has shown is a toss-up, and forces a 269-269 tie?

Map via


So we have the perfect tie scenario. What happens then? The Constitution dictates that the newly elected House of Representatives would then decide the president by giving each state delegation one vote. The top three candidates who received electoral votes would be eligible in this run-off. In a 269-269 scenario, that would be limited to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Continue Reading

Let Giant Meteor of Death Debate!

While Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are clearly the top two candidates in this year’s presidential field, one independent challenger has been building some recent momentum. This would-be spoiler has polled in the low teens nationally; generated a growing social media following; and outlined a compelling plan to destroy ISIS, eliminate America’s national debt, and bring permanent change to Washington.

I am talking, of course, about the Giant Meteor of Death.

In an election year in which the two major party candidates are facing questions about their honesty, it is no surprise that Giant Meteor has emerged as a powerful alternative. While this candidate has put forward many ambitious promises, there appears to be little doubt it has what it takes to achieve these results. Giant Meteor has outlined a surefire plan to end both abortion and racism; to put a stop to illegal immigration and terrorism; and to make income inequality a thing of the past. This is a proposal which would cross all party lines and ideological divisions — and one which would surely have a worldwide impact.

Given this challenger’s meteoric rise to relevance, it does not seem fair that the media and political establishment continue to treat its candidacy as some sort of joke to be marginalized or ignored. In the most recent national poll in which it was included, Giant Meteor registered 13 percent support among registered voters — just two points below the threshold required to debate, and six points more than the combined total of other third party hopefuls Gary Johnson and Jill Stein. Continue Reading