Sweet Meteor of Death Still in the Running

Photo credit: Mary Powers
Photo credit: Mary Powers

Don’t count the Sweet Meteor of Death (SMOD) out just yet. Last week, as the Chicago Cubs capped off a miraculous comeback in the World Series for a historic Game 7 win, the “final seal of the apocalypse” was opened, giving SMOD an opportunity unprecedented in election history.

Some conservative groups are taking his candidacy very seriously. The League of Conservative Voters released a voter information card advising voters not to opt for “a candidate that has no chance to win.” The voter information card has two choices left for voters, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, with the third party candidates — including SMOD — crossed out.

When asked for comment, SMOD said, “If the League of Conservative Voters thinks a puny mailer will obstruct my path to the White House they are sorely mistaken.”

When asked about recent polling and if there are SMOD voters who are invisible due to the fact that they have not voted recently, SMOD replied, “Those polls never give any option to choose the apocalypse. Can’t judge my popularity if you don’t ask.” He further commented on his voter bloc saying, “We have a big tent. The biggest. It’s tremendous.”

Considering the Cubs won the World Series as SMOD predicted, perhaps the media — and more importantly the American voter — should take this candidate more seriously before Tuesday’s election.

Editor’s note: This post was meant as satire — mostly.

Mary Powers is a young professional living and working in Washington, DC.